{willpower}

{via}

For a few weeks now, I've just been feeling...off. Like, I'm spinning in place while the rest of the world continues to move in a more linear fashion. I haven't wanted to put this on my blog, in fear of what my clients or those who know me personally would think or say. I want to assure everyone that I'm taking the necessary steps to right myself, whatever that means. 

One of those steps has been joining the Council, an online forum of like-minded women who hold each other up while working on their own personal goals, whatever they may be. The program started yesterday, and I'm already seeing so much incredible love and encouragement from these women that I don't even know in real life (well I do one one of them, and I'm so thankful to have her in my support system - thanks Ashley!). 

For the next twenty-one days, we've been given the assignment to work on two goals, one small and one big, and I wanted to share my thoughts with all of you on what my own goals are, and why I chose them. 

1 // I haven't been closed off about the fact that I have fibromyalgia, but I don't think I've mentioned it in a while either. I was diagnosed almost two years ago, and I've been fortunate enough not to struggle with it too terribly, until recently. For the past month or so, I've been exhausted constantly, and everything is absolutely draining. While there is no cure, really, there are definitely steps I can take to get it in check. For me, that means being more active, even if in small ways. I can't go out and just run a mile, because I would be out of commission for days after, but I can take my dog on a walk every morning. She wouldn't mind that either, I don't think!

2 //  One thing that I haven't talked much about on the blog is my anxiety. Honestly, it's a recent development, something that I'm just now coming to terms with. As a wedding planner, I'm great at coming up with plans A through Z, but I'm constantly terrified that something will happen that is out of my control. Not only that, but no matter how organized I am, how on top of my work I am, I'm always afraid that I'm going to miss something. But the thing is, I've never missed anything before! I don't actually have a reason to feel this way! The result is a constant fear that I'm doing it wrong, when in reality, I've received nothing but praise from my clients. This fear causes me to close up, and put off working on important things just because I'm afraid that I'm not doing it right, but then I feel guilty for putting it off. It's a terrible, terrible cycle that I really want to get under control. 

So, there you go. Those are the two goals that I plan on working on for these next twenty-one days, and I so hope that I have good news to share with you in three weeks. I knew as soon as I found Molly's blog that I needed to work with her in some capacity, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix myself. Okay, maybe I don't need fixing, but I definitely need to change some of my habits and my mindset. Hopefully making small changes will mean a more relaxed, and much less anxious Joelle.