Today, I thought about it and I was blown away.
“Take pride in how far you’ve come, and have faith in how far
you can go.”
How far have I come?
Less than
five years ago, I still battled with food. I hated my body and my looks. I
hated my freckles and my nose and my frizzy hair. I hated my uneven skin and my
slightly pudgy stomach. I was not confident in myself in any way, especially
not confident in my looks and my body.
Now, on a
good day, I think I’m pretty. I don’t hate myself anymore. I’m okay with wearing
a size Medium. While you will rarely (if ever) see me in a bathing suit, I’m
not entirely uncomfortable in one. Even on an off day, I still don’t think I’m
ugly. I might wear a little bit more makeup and spend a little extra time on my
hair, but I don’t stress over my looks anymore. Growing up has made me realize
that I am much more than what I look like. But it’s also made me realize that I
am not nearly as unattractive as I used to think I was.
I’m confident in myself. That’s how far I’ve come.
And then I
got to college, where my professors encouraged discussion. They valued my mind
and what was in it. I felt appreciated and respected, and that encouraged me to
work hard.
I graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree and a 3.79 GPA. That’s
how far I’ve come.
Making
friends growing up was hard. Saying that I was shy was an understatement. I was
terrified of social situations, and rarely spoke to anyone outside of my social
circle. If I didn’t know anybody in my classes, then I just didn’t talk to
anyone. I never participated in class discussion in high school, because I was
too afraid I would say something stupid.
In college,
there were no more “popular groups.” There was nothing for me to be intimidated
about anymore. Those same professors who taught me that my mind was important,
also taught me that I had something to contribute to the world. I made friends
and broke out of my shell. I joined clubs and student government, where I met
some of the most amazing people. People who also made me feel like I had a
voice, and that it mattered.
I was the student speaker at my college graduation, where I
gave a speech in front of five thousand people. That’s how far I’ve come.
Before I met
my husband, I was desperate to find someone to love. I was so insecure, that I
felt like I needed a partner, just to feel legitimate in the world. I thought
that love meant complete dependence on that person, so that I would never be
alone.
Love is so
much more than that. It means having a partner who is there, just to listen. It
means having an unconditional ally in life. It means having a companion to walk
through life with you. It doesn’t mean dependence on someone. It means
depending on each other.
I am one half of a strong and successful marriage. That’s how
far I’ve come.
Realizing all of these things has made me realize something
big: that I’ve come a very, very long way from the insecure sixteen year old
girl; the girl I was only eight years ago. I am strong and confident and smart
and happy. I’ve come a long way.
And now I’m excited to see how far I’ll go in the future.