{on marriage :: selflessness}

I'm not sure what I think about the term "marriage advice." I mean, people ask me what I have to say about marriage, but it's really such a personal thing, you know? Something that works for one couple may not work for another, and figuring out what does and doesn't work is a big part of what marriage is all about. 

My best friend got married on Saturday, and I was terrible enough not to send in my RSVP card with my own bit of marriage advice on it. When I was writing my toast on Saturday morning (which I pretty bawled over my computer for...while Carrie was sleeping in the next room), I figured I probably should say a little bit on marriage. It was a wedding, after all! So, here it goes. 

Photo by Anna Delores Photography

Marriage is a lot of give and take, so be willing to give when your partner needs it. But more than that, be willing to take when you need it. That’s what a partnership is, and that’s what a marriage is. Don’t be afraid to ask if you need something, especially if it’s support. There will be phases in your lives and in your marriage where it seems like one of you needs more than the other, but don’t hold it against one another. The best part of marriage is having someone on your side, all the time. Marriage takes a lot of selflessness, but it also takes a little bit of selfISHness.

I'd love to know your thoughts on being selfless in a marriage. I think there is a lot of "advice" out there, suggesting that a marriage relies on two selfless people coming together, but I don't buy it. I am a self-employed, small business owner and my husband is a graduate student. If we didn't think of ourselves sometimes, I highly doubt we would be where we are. We are individuals, after all, and we both need to be willing to accept the support of one another when needed. That's all. 

{something different}

I've been bothered lately, but really? What else is new. I love blogging. I wouldn't keep blogging if I didn't love it, to be honest. But I'm bothered. I'm bothered by the sameness these days. I'm bothered that everything exciting featured on bigger blogs is not really that exciting. The homes and the weddings and just the lives all seem the same. 

I love this post that Ashley wrote recently about how our blogs only show one part of the story: the part that we want to share. It's so true, isn't it? But that being said, why do we all still feel the need to share the same things? I want to hear about your real lives, one that isn't perfectly styled on Instagram. I want to be able to share a real wedding, one that may not have many details but does have amazing photography and an honest love story.  I want to see a real home, one that's actually lived in and doesn't have a gold bar cart. And I really don't want to see another post on how to style your coffee table. It's really not that difficult. 

I know I'm ranting at this point, and don't even try to ask me what better ideas I have right now. But that's what I'm going to do this month; I'm going to come up with something that's both pretty and unique. Somethings that's beautiful and realistic. It has to be out there. Don't you think?

{anniversary wishlist + thoughts}

Robert and I will be celebrating our third anniversary in two weeks, and I'm more than a little excited to break out our bottle of wine from last year and make a trip to In N Out. Not only that, but our trip up to wine country this year includes one of the most adorable little inns. I'm dreaming of falling asleep next to the fire place and waking up to freshly made chocolate chip cookies on my pillow.

Anyway, I've already told Robert what I would really love for our anniversary, though I'm obviously happy about just getting to spend time together. A new necklace wouldn't hurt either...

blouse :: madwell // necklace :: kate spade // purse :: valentino

So, now onto my "thoughts." It's no secret that I struggle with the feminist vs. anti-feminist vs. I-just-want-to-be-a-woman-with-choice battle that's going on in 2013. In the wedding industry, there are a lot of people who like to debate things like, should you change your name when you get married? When is the best age to get married? How traditional marriage in the 21st century is detrimental to feminism and the progress of today's modern woman, yada yada yada. A publication that I respect (on occasion) recently declined to publish a post that I wrote on why it just doesn't matter. I fully believe that at the core of feminism is woman's right to make her own decisions in life, regardless of what that decision is. If a woman is fully informed of her choices, the consequence of her choices should only matter to her. Here is a little snippet of what I wrote regarding the name change debate:

I changed my last name when I got married. Not that I need to give an explanation for it, but I was twenty three at the time, so I had no true professional attachment to my maiden name, other than what it says on my college diploma. I’m not close to my father, though I am close to my father’s family and my younger brother shares my maiden name. I was raised by a single mother whom I’ve never shared a name with, and even she has changed her name now to my stepfather’s last name. 

My husband, on the other hand, got his last name from his mother, who has also now taken her husband’s last name. There is nobody else in his family that we know of who shares our last name. It’s as if we took his mother’s last name, and created an entirely new family name with it. But again, not that I owe any of you an explanation for why I chose to change my own last name. 

I’ve been seeing so many articles and posts around the internets lately with differing reasons as to why a woman should or shouldn’t, or did or didn’t, change her last name when she got married. The point of me writing this, at this time, is to say…does it matter? True, there are plenty of other things that should be discussed when it comes to changing your name after marriage. Why can’t your husband take your last name? If you do choose to keep your maiden name, why should your children have to take his last name? There are plenty of alternatives to taking on your husband’s last name as well. You can choose to hyphenate, or even come up with an entirely new name. 

But a nameless, faceless woman on the internet judging another woman for choosing to take a man’s last name is just as bad as a mother-in-law judging her new daughter-in-law for not taking her husband’s last name. Regardless of a woman’s decision, even if she’s trying to battle the patriarchy by keeping her maiden name, it’s still patriarchy that keeps the tradition of surnames going. What’s a woman’s choice? The name of her husband or her father? Let’s stop pretending that the decision is an easy one; that there is one right answer, and just support one another. 

So if I want to wear a Mrs. necklace because it's pretty and I like being called a Mrs., then I should have that right. Part of my identity is being linked to my husband; that's part of marriage, I think. I'm just tired of all these posts and articles arguing one way or the other. I'm happily married, and I don't need to prove myself or defend my choices to anyone, end of story. And end of rant. 

What are your thoughts on the name change debate? And do you think it's possible to "keep your identity" when becoming a Mrs.?

{beach season}

I'm going to do something I've never done on my blog before.

Why yes, that is a photo of me, in a bikini, lying next to a pool. Why did I post this, you ask? Well, because I'm extremely confident with my body and I know I look good. 

Actually, that's a damn lie. 

I know I'm thin. I know that I'm very lucky to be thin, but I've always had a very poor self image. I struggled with an eating disorder in high school, and it took me a long time to be able to admit that I was even thin, let alone somewhat pretty. This photo was taken in March, and to be honest, that was the first time in three years that I put a bathing suit on. 

I had an epiphany recently though. I'm twenty six years old, and in what is more than likely the best shape of my life (minus my high school and college years). I do want to have babies in the not too distant future, which means that I really need to take advantage of being childless for now. That means going out with friends, enjoying an extra glass of wine with dinner, and maybe even wearing my bathing suit a few times this summer. 

Actually, when I had that epiphany, I kind of freaked out and went and bought the smallest bathing suit I could find at Victoria's Secret. I then spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between feeling sexy as hell, and more than a little self conscious. 

Anyway, this post may seem to be somewhat random, but I'm looking at it as my next step to accepting who I am. I know that I have nothing to be ashamed of, but that doesn't mean I'm not. I just want to be able to put that teeny tiny bikini on, and rock it all summer long.

And maybe if that one doesn't do the trick, I need to splurge on this one instead. I mean, it does have a bow.

bathing suit :: moda operandi

{comparison or a lesson}

photo by Lavender & Twine // flowers by Stella Bloom Designs

One of the most popular quotes I see these days is "Comparison is the thief of joy." I agree with that sentiment whole-heartedly, but that doesn't mean I don't fall into the comparison trap every single day. It's inevitable. There's always someone who is better than I am in some way; they're prettier than I am, they have better style, they are farther along in their careers than me.

I'm constantly on Pinterest, seeing the best work from the best people, and I always get a little sad that I didn't create it. It's a terrible, terrible way to live! But I think I realized a few things recently:

1 // I just can't be the best at everything. 

2 // Instead of comparing my work (or lack thereof), I need to start admiring and appreciating their work. 

3 // Seeing something beautiful should be an opportunity to learn. It should be my chance to understand a little bit more about the creative process, and it should be a lesson on how I can become a more creative person. 

There are so many people that are amazing graphic designers or interior designers or cooks or crafters, and I want to be amazing at it all! But obviously, that's impossible, and having that mindset really just zaps my own creative spirit. I need to take a step back, consider what I do have to offer the world, and then just appreciate the contribution of others as well.

I want to know, how do you deal with comparison? Do you have any tips for those of us in this creative industry?

{on femininity}

So, here's a non-secret. I like pink. And bows. And dresses with ruffles. I'm girly and giggly and feminine, and I've always considered it to be a non-issue. I mean, without getting into the whole feminists vs. the world argument, I'm a little confused these days as to why my "style" is suddenly controversial. 

Lost? This article (and this post and this one) got me thinking. Regardless of whether or not you like Zooey Deschanel, she definitely has a style and a brand. I don't know that I copy her, or anyone else for that matter. This past year, I've developed my own tastes and style to a point where I've had friends recognize me from far away because of my high bun and/or bows. These things make me happy and feel comfortable. That shouldn't be a bad thing, should it?

But, I want to know your opinion. Do you think girls dressing this way is a negative thing? I've heard a lot of negative comments lately about it, though not necessarily directed at me. I can say, however, that the confidence I get from truly being me far outweighs any negative impression that others may get. 

I wear pearls and high heels and pencil skirts on a regular basis. But I'm also a strong businesswoman with a mind of her own. Would you think less of me if you saw me on the street wearing a bow in my hair?

Disclaimer: I'm not writing this post to stir a pot or be controversial in any way. I'm not angry or annoyed, I just want to see what others think on the topic.

{on limitations}

I’ve been thinking a lot about this week’s mantra. Obviously, since it’s this week’s mantra and all.

She believed she could, so she did.

What a powerful statement, don’t you think? It’s amazing what we could accomplish if all we had to do was believe in ourselves.

I think this comes about after a lot of self-reflection about all the different things I’ve wanted to do in my life. It feels like that for most things, I’ve fit my dreams into this box; a box that’s defined by my family and society and my school. I wanted to go to law school, and for some that’s an outrageous dream. But it’s still socially accepted. It might be outrageous for me, but for me , I always knew that I could do it. I still know that I could have done it. But I wasn’t happy.

It was the moment that I stepped outside of that box that I truly became happy. I feel so fortunate sometimes…my life isn’t defined by my career, and my career isn’t defined by anything other than me.

I mean, think about it.

Lawyer
Doctor
Teacher
Hell, graphic designer…

These are all very prestigious and well-respected professions, as they should be. But they fit into a box that I just don’t. want. to. be. in.

I want to dream without worrying about fitting into some pre-defined standard. I want to be myself without anyone expecting anything of me. I want to live without limitations.

And I believe I can.

Just believing in myself, believing that I can be a writer and blogger and wedding designer, gives me more joy than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

Do you believe you can?

{on being an introvert}

I vividly remember my first few days at college, as if it were only a couple days ago rather than almost seven years. Most people I know, my friends and former classmates, loved that time. The days were filled with excited anticipation at meeting your roommates, plenty of lectures on how to avoid getting an STD (which often included free condoms), and way too many new names and faces to ever remember.

{on living with intention}

Before I get to the heart of this post, I feel the need to tell you a little about my background. You see, my family did not have a lot of money when I was growing up. My mom raised my brother and I on her own, so most of my clothes were hand me downs or came from Walmart. I don't resent this; my mom was, and still is, an amazing and resilient person who did what she needed to do to give my brother and I the best life that she could. I will say, however, that being a teenager and not having the hippest clothes or trendiest accessories was difficult. I was trying to figure out who I was, but was held back by something so inconsequential; I see that now. But it was still difficult at the time. 

{via}

Love Story

I’m reading The Time Traveler’s Wife right now. I bought it on a whim during an impromptu trip to Barnes and Noble last week. I was feeling exceptionally romantic that day and was tired of reading Twilight.

I feel like I’m constantly trying to find that perfect love story. One that isn’t excessively melodramatic or too smutty {I really don’t enjoy gratuitous scenes of pornography in my reading material, thankyouverymuch}. I want something pure and sweet and maybe-not-so-believable. I want to read about a modern day Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy, or Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. I don’t want Romeo and Juliet or Wuthering Heights, and definitely not The Notebook {I hate that book. Vehemently hate it}. I feel like even if love is there, I’m too distracted by the negative and the death and the tragedy to appreciate it. I suppose that for some, the tragedy is what intensifies the story, but that isn’t how I react to it.

I can't say that I am necessarily enjoying The Time Traveler's Wife as much as I thought I would. It's not the story that I was looking for; it's not the heartwrenching romance that I am so desperate to find. It's a good book, though I now know why everyone warned me that it gets slightly confusing, what with all the time travelling and being in two places at once and impregnating your wife as your younger self while your current self is sleeping in the bed next to her. Creepy? Absolutely.

I guess in part, that is what motivates me to write. I know that I'm never going to find the story that I'm looking for unless I write it myself. It doesn't matter if it's gets published or if anyone else reads it. All that matters is that I get it down on paper. Becuase if my story is written somewhere, that means it's real.

But it would be pretty awesome if I did get published. A few weeks ago, I impulsively entered a contest without really thinking about what it might lead to. It's for a full publishing package at a respectable self-publishing agency. In the first round, I had to fit a summary of my book into a tweet. 140 characters.

So I did, and last week I was notified that I am a finalist. On Friday, I sent in a 250 word synopsis. And now I wait. I wait to see if what I've been writing for the past year and a half has any potential at all.

Self-publishing isn't necessarily my preference for publishing my book. But I figure, if I win this thing, it's a start. I get to retain all the rights to my work, which means that eventually, down the line, if someone else decides that it's good enough, it can be published in a more reputable way.

I wanted to share with you my synopsis, and see what you all think. I know I've shared a lot with you about this book, so I just have to tell you how much your patience with me means.

*     *     *     *     *

Jane Austen once wrote that “happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.” While this antiquated notion of matrimony may not fit with the present requirement of love in marriage, it’s still a truth universally acknowledged in the small town of Selden, Kansas. To understand Selden requires abandoning the ideals of equality, love, and compassion, and replacing them with the simple fact that all young women must surely be in want of a husband.

To be clear, Kate Devlin did not initially condemn this fairy tale life that most young women in Selden dream of. Her want of a husband paralleled, if not exceeded, that of the other girls in the town. But when her beau of eight years was exposed as a philanderer, as the men of Selden were generally tolerated to be, she committed the unprecedented crime of refusing to forgive him and packed her bags for Los Angeles.

Her heartbreak still fresh in her mind, Kate plays it safe, accepting a date with an acceptably attractive accountant that drives a Honda. When he breaks her heart too, she is forced to realize that nothing is ever as it seems, and finds herself being swept up in a dangerously impractical romance with Jackson Traver, the world’s most celebrated young actor. It isn’t long before she is back in Selden for the wedding of her teenage sister, where she is once again confronted with what love means in this place, and fights to claim it for her own.

*     *     *     *     *

Do any of you have suggestions for a good romance that I might enjoy?

xoxo,

Did you know that I'm pretty awesome?

Sometimes, I try to make something really easy for dinner, and it doesn't turn out very well. I made sauteed carrots on Sunday night, and I added too much brown sugar. They didn't taste very good.

Most Saturday nights, instead of dressing up and going out, I like to sit in bed and watch HGTV. Actually, I pretty much do this every night.

I really hate bad drivers. Like, really hate bad drivers. But sometimes I get honked at too. I guess we all have some not-so-stellar driving days.

Yesterday I didn't wear makeup to work. I was feeling sick, and just didn't want to spend any more unecessary time standing up in the bathroom than I already was. I barely noticed all day that I had no makeup on my face, and I'm kind of okay with that.

I've had Citizen Kane sitting on my TV stand in the little red paper package from Netflix for over a month now. I just can't bring myself to watch it.

I really love to do calligraphy, but for every word that I've written that I love, there are dozens of pieces of wasted paper with scribbles all over them.

I have a lot of debt. Like, a lot. And it bothers me sometimes, but I don't regret it. I don't regret having a wonderful wedding or buying plane tickets for my husband so that he could go on grad school interviews. Money {and, especially, money problems} are just a part of life.

My apartment gets messy a lot. And sometimes I can't handle it. But then I remember that a home with stuff lying around isn't necessarily messy. It's just well-lived in.

I am the worst at getting back to people. It doesn't matter if it's via email, text, or phone. And it's not even because I forget. I'm just too lazy sometimes.

And I'm really bad at commenting on other people's blogs. Most of the time it's not because I don't read posts. Again, it's just because I'm kind of lazy.

I'm not a very consistent blogger. I don't have a schedule and I don't usually plan in advance what I'm going to post. Like today. I had no idea what I wanted to say when I got up this morning, but I knew that I wanted to say something, and I guess this is it.

I could say that despite all of these things, I'm still happy, but really, it's because all of these things that I'm happy. I'm happy because I'm me, and I don't want to be anybody else. These things make me who I am, and while I look up to people for inspiration, I don't want to be them. I just want to be the best me that I can be.

Hope you have a beautiful day everyone.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanted to post today. On Friday, I continued with my regular, lighthearted posts, even in the wake of the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Some may have considered it insensitive. I just didn’t know what to say.

I’ve seen so many blog posts and tweets and Facebook status updates about the disaster; about how we should pray or do what we can. And then nothing. Once they said their words, that was it.

Now, I know that nothing I say or do is going to help anything. I can pray and I can give my $10 to the Red Cross. But in reality; in all honesty, it won’t help much.

And that sucks.

Sorry to be such a downer today. In my defense, it is Monday. And Mondays are not happy days for me.

I hate Mondays.

Over the weekend, I just kept getting bombarded with images and stories and news of the true destruction and tragedy in Japan. I felt so conflicted: if I didn’t feel sad and somber, I would be heartless. If I were too affected, I would be slightly ridiculous. It’s like there’s no middle ground.

But it has affected me. My entire mood has been different since waking up Friday morning and checking my Twitter in bed {really, I do this}.

I’m afraid of the dark. I cry when I feel any type of earthquake, and I live in California, less than a mile from the beach.

Seeing all of these pictures, I just have to say…

I’m scared shitless.

I’ll be the first to admit that this is selfish. People are dying and looking for loved ones, and I’m complaining about how I’m scared for myself. But I am.

That doesn’t diminish my concern for the people of Japan at all. If anything, it only increases my empathy for these people.

I can’t imagine what I would do in that situation. Obviously, I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I’ve been thinking about putting water and blankets in my car, making sure that my gas tank is always full. But, in reality, no amount of precautions I could take would really have an effect. That’s my cynicism shining through again.

It can all be taken away from me in a matter of minutes. Everything that I have built for myself could be gone tomorrow. My life could be taken tomorrow; if not in an earthquake, then in a car accident or a house fire.

When you are searching for a loved one who was swept away by the ocean; when your own life is in danger, there are so many things that don’t matter. Your flatscreen TV doesn’t matter. Neither does your iPhone. Or that fight you had with your friend last week or your bad haircut or a thousand other things that go through our minds every day.

But love matters. Happiness and joy matter.

I have my life. I have my husband and my family and my friends. They are what matter.

I don’t know that I would necessarily call this an epiphany. I’ve always been grateful for what I have and for the love in my life.

But I do know that when I’m making dinner in the kitchen and my husband comes to give me a hug, just because, I’ll hold on for a little bit longer now.

Much love friends,

Alive

Alive[uh-lahv]

-adjective
1. having life; living; existing; not dead or lifeless
2. living
3. in a state of action; in force or operation; active
4. full of energy and spirit; lively
5. having the quality of life; vivid; vibrant

Live[liv]

-verb [used without object]
1. to have life, as an organism; be alive; be capable of vital functions
2. to continue to have life; remain alive
3. to continue in existence, operation, memory, etc.; last
4.to maintain or support one's existence; provide for oneself
5. to feed or subsist (usually followed by on  or upon 
6. to dwell or reside (usually followed by in, at,  etc.)
7.to pass life in a specified manner
8. to direct or regulate one's life
9.to experience or enjoy life to the full

*     *     *     *     *

I found this quote by Howard Thurman a few weeks ago, and it really struck a chord with me. I put it up on my quotes page, though I never really mentioned it in any posts. Consider it mentioned.

Too often, I think we look at the world and think of all the things we can do to change it. I know this was especially true with my friends and I while we were in college. We were surrounded by amazing people doing amazing things with their lives, and the answers seemed to be right there. We knew what we were supposed to do for the world. It was actually doing it that was the hard part.

I think a lot of young people have this conundrum. We are taught to believe that we truly can change the world, though we are never really told how. It's up to us to discover, and many times we look to others to see what they are doing. But that's the problem, isn't it? We can never be as passionate about someone else's dream as they are, or as we would be with our own dream.

But what if we just threw that whole "I'm going to change the world" concept out the window? Life would be a hell of a lot less stressful, that's for sure. What if, instead, we did what made us come alive?

I just love that concept of "coming alive." It just seems so powerful, yet so attainable. It's something that I feel I can do, even when life isn't necessarily cooperating.

A few weeks ago, I wrote what I call "My Mission." If you haven't read it yet, you can find it here. The part that, I think, really goes along with this whole concept of being alive is this:


And I want to live passionately.
I want live and love and just *be* passionately.
I want to truly believe in what I believe,
And stand by it without being ashamed.
I want to discover the things and people that I love,
And truly love them.

If we all just truly believed in things and acted upon what we believe in; if we honestly and completely loved the things that we loved, don't you think we would be more alive than when trying to meet some unknown and abstract goal? Perhaps if we stopped worrying so much about what we can do for others, and just started living the lives that we want to live, we actually would change the world.

Much love,

Things I Don't Love...Weekend Edition

Waking up at 6:00 a.m. on my Saturday morning to proctor the SATs. But hey, it's extra cash that will pay for this:

Passive aggressive internet catfight bullshit.

Copy and paste comments.

Keith Olbermann leaving MSNBC.

Bread that turns moldy only a few days after buying it. 

Speeding tickets. 

The button that just came off my new Lucky jeans.

Words

Words can be powerful. What you say or write to someone can have a profound effect.

That is, if you're deliberate with your words, of course. I am very deliberate with my words. I guess that just comes with being a writer. Writing something is a much longer process than just putting the words down on paper. It's researching; trying to find the words that are in congruence with what I'm thinking and with what I honestly mean.  Often, even if I know the basic definition of a word, I'll still look it up in the dictionary to read the exact meaning and to find out if there might be an alternative definition that I didn't think of at first.

I'm not one to throw around words haphazardly for the sole purpose of creating a reaction. Because if the word has no true meaning other than to elicit a response, it has no meaning and is therefore of no importance to me. I guess you could say that this is another one of my recent epiphanies and I've found that it helps quite a bit. That old saying "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" can be very true if those words are insincere.

I've been thinking a lot lately about words that do mean something to me. Here are two that have entered my thoughts these past few weeks.

Sincerity

[sin-ser-i-tee]

–noun, plural -ties.

freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; probity in intention or in communicating; earnestness.

I mentioned this one above; the idea that if words are insincere then they mean nothing. But I've been thinking a lot recently what it means to live sincerely. It means to live with integrity and with intention. And that's exactly how I want to live.

Support

[suh-pawrt, -pohrt]

–verb (used with object)

1. to bear or hold up (a load, mass, structure, part, etc.); serve as a foundation for.

2. to sustain or withstand (weight, pressure, strain, etc.) without giving way; serve as a prop for.

3. to undergo or endure, esp. with patience or submission; tolerate.

4. to sustain (a person, the mind, spirits, courage, etc.) under trial or affliction: They supported him throughout his ordeal.

5. to maintain (a person, family, establishment, institution, etc.) by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for: to support a family.

6. to uphold (a person, cause, policy, etc.) by aid, countenance, one's vote, etc.; back; second.

7. to maintain or advocate (a theory, principle, etc.).

I realized yesterday that some may misunderstand me when I say that what others think doesn't matter. If that were entirely true, then the idea of support doesn't matter either. But support is essential to being successful, regardless of where that support comes from. I've recently come to appreciate just how much support I do get in my life, and I think that makes all the difference. To know that you have someone, whether it's a significant other or a friend or a parent, to support you unconditionally is the best feeling in the world.

Thanks all, for listening to me. And if you feel compelled to leave a comment on this post, please only do so if it's truly sincere.

Much love,

My Mission

Have any of you ever written a personal mission statement? As someone deeply involved in all types of extracurricular activities while in college {you know what I mean, the ones where you are supposed to do all types of personal reflection before you are able to do what you want to do}, I've written more "mission statements" than I can remember. I don't know that any of them, however, truly captured my *mission* in life.

So, I started thinking about it this morning, and this is what I came up with.
  

I believe in living a proactive, thoughtful, and passionate life.

The road may be scary,

And the future unknown,

But I will not sit by passively, watching as my life wanders around aimlessly,

With no direction.

Thoughtful: contemplative, reflective, careful, considerate.

There are so many definitions for the word thoughtful,

And each one describes how I want to live.

I want to think about things,

Understand how my actions affect those around me,

And how my actions affect my happiness, sanity, and success in life.

I want to be reflective,

And use every opportunity to learn something new.

I admit that I am not reckless.

I am careful.

I am not spontaneous or unplanned.

I am organized and cautious and restrained.

And that’s okay.

I want the people in my life,

Those who matter,

To see a kind, considerate, and caring person when they look at me.

I want them to see love and generosity and a kind heart.

But I need to be okay with the fact that not everyone will see these things in me.

And that’s okay too.

Because the people that are the most important,

Are the ones who love me for me.

And I need to be okay with the fact that I am not perfect,

{Far from it, in fact}.

But the best I can do is to try.

And I want to live passionately.

I want live and love and just *be* passionately.

I want to truly believe in what I believe,

And stand by it without being ashamed.

I want to discover the things and people that I love,

And truly love them.

But beyond all of this, I want to love myself passionately.

Because I need to love myself,

For everything that I am,

Before I can love anything else. 

Thanks for listening.

Love,

Things I Love.

Some things I love today.

Scarves.

Photos of snow, without actually having to live in the snow.

History podcasts.

The gray sweater I stole borrowed from my mom {don't worry mommy, I'll give it back}. 

The Jodi Picoult book I'm reading.

The Florence and the Machine Pandora station.

Steve Madden.

My newly discovered French Press.

Parmesan bagels from Costco.

Groupon.

Don't forget to enter my giveaway and follow me on Twitter.



Much love, 

{Virtual Coffee}

Today is Tuesday. For some reason, this week, Tuesday is turning out to be much more difficult that Monday. It took all the energy I had to get out of bed this morning, and that was after hitting the snooze button five times.

Anyway, if we were having coffee together this morning, I would tell you how I purged my Facebook last night and how good I felt about it after. I deleted so many people, not necessarily because I didn't like them, but because I just haven't talked to them in so long. I made myself a rule as well: if it takes me more than a few seconds to remember who a person is, they gotta go. While this made me feel much better about life {for some strange reason}, I'm not nearly as brave as my friend who deleted her Facebook all together this past weekend. No, that's much too ambitious for me.

I want to thank all of you, by the way, for listening to my mini rants and being with me while I'm trying to figure this crazy world out. It's truly amazing though, how just writing things down can help you realize so much about yourself. I had {another} epiphany yesterday, as I was thinking about what it means to eliminate all forms of unecessary stress from my life.

I realized that I am an adult {wait, when did that happen?}. I have a husband and we support ourselves. I have a real, grown-up job. We have our own little apartment. I like wine and I went to bed at 9:30 last night.

I've been concerned with what other people think for as long as I can remember. For most of my life, my main motivation has been to make sure that people like me. I realized yesterday, however, that none of them matter. People from college; the people that I barely spoke to and yet are so concerned about what they think, don't matter. The people from high school that I haven't seen in six years don't matter.

There's a great quote by Dr. Seuss {of all people}: Those who mind, don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind.

What an amazing way to think! After giving this idea more thought, I realized how true it is. I have a husband; someone who will always be on my side, and who loves me more than anything. I have my best friends who are always there; who give me more love and support than I deserve. I have a family that is actually proud of what I've accomplished in my life.

And I have all of you, who take precious time out of your day to read this little blog. You are all so supportive, and what all of you think is much more important than what some inconsequential person that I haven't spoken to in years thinks.

So, thank you for helping me realize what it's finally feels like to not care. I am who I am, and if someone minds, then they obviously don't matter.

Thanks for listening {again}. You are all wonderful, beautiful people, and I feel privileged to call you all my friends.

Much love,

What Would Joelle Do?

I suppose the fact that I’ve officially drawn criticism about my blog is a good thing. Maybe it means that I’ve actually written something worth writing. But who would have thought that my post about Audrey Hepburn, of all things, would be the one to draw a negative response?


When I first read the response to this post, my initial reaction was anger. One of my biggest pet peeves in life is when people purposefully misinterpret the meaning behind something I say or write and feel the need to respond, just to respond. It’s as if they only want to hear their own opinion and then twist what I’ve written to fit that preconceived notion.


Eventually I realized that on my quest to “figure life out” {as my little bio over the right says}, I need to let things roll off of my back. I don’t need to get angry at something like this, because it’s really only going to make life more complicated. I barely know this person {and yes, I do know them}, but we don’t see each other anymore. If she thinks that she knows who I am as a person from one individual post {when I hope that people would read what I have to say in its entirety, i.e. this blog as a whole}, that’s her loss. I’m not arrogant enough to believe that I know everything there is to know in the world, or even that the path that I’m taking and choosing to document is one-hundred percent infallible.


What I am saying is that I have a role model. I have multiple role models actually, though I chose to document only one yesterday. I’m saying that I’m not perfect, but that this blog is a way for me to try and realize my full potential in all areas of my life. And I’m saying that I don’t need the stress of petty drama that people my age continue bring into their lives. It’s unhealthy.


I wasn’t going to warrant their response with my own, but I changed my mind. Though I’m sure {most of} you realize my intent wasn’t to tell anyone that they should try and be anybody but themselves. I only intended to shed light on my own inspiration for stylish living.


So I’m going to use this post as closure to this inconsequential hiccup in my blogging adventures. I’m sure there will be many more to come, but I only hope that I can deal with such things with as much grace as Audrey would.


Love,

What Would Audrey Do?

I can’t think of one woman I know who doesn’t consider Audrey Hepburn to be their own style icon. With a beautiful face, impeccable sense of style, and glowing personality, who wouldn’t look up to Ms. Hepburn?

I absolutely include myself in this generalization. I have watched Sabrina more times than I can count. I’ve had a pair of black flats in my shoe collection for as long as I can remember. Pearls are my staple. And if I knew I could pull off her signature pixie haircut, I would get my own hair done in a heartbeat.  

It may be cliché to admit to all of these things, but I’m not ashamed. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t look up to her. She is the epitome of elegance and beauty, two things that {among other things} I aspire to be as well.

A few months ago I picked up a book in my local Barnes and Noble. It’s called “What Would Audrey Do?” {I also have “What Would Jackie Do?”}, and I wanted to share a few things that I’ve read. Maybe it will inspire you to live more gracefully and beautifully as well.

The AH List

Make the most of your assets, underplay your flaws. In Love in the Afternoon, Audrey mock-complains to Gary Cooper. “I’m too thin and my ears stick out, my teeth are crooked and my neck’s much too long.” “Maybe so,” Cooper replies, “but I love the way it all hangs together.” So study yourself and make the most of your assets.

Have a POV. In terms of fashion, find what works for you and stick with it. Even as a struggling chorus girl in London in 1945, Audrey {who could do more with a plain white shirt than anyone} knew what worked for her and what didn’t.

Her style was subtle, not obvious. “She was the first to make something that’s not sexy, sexy,” says Cynthia Rowley. With apologies to all the Pamela Andersons and Paris Hiltons of the world, and an entire subset of UGG-loving, lingerie-revealing Hollywood actresses, don’t be afraid to tone it down a little.

Disregard Trends. Audrey was unique in her style choices in that she knew what was going on in fashion, but did not follow trends. Instead, she decided, early on, what worked for her and moved within those parameters. That said, she never got stuck in a look: Ballet flats gave way to Ferragamo and Roger Vivier, which gave way to Keds and probably would have led to Manolo Blahnik, had he been designing when she was alive. And although there was always a very distinctive Audrey look, she never got stuck in one decade.

Posture. Chin up, shoulders back, and when you walk into that room, walk in there like you own it – think of AH gliding across that tennis court in that amazing Givenchy gown in Sabrina.

The ubiquitous ballet flat. Fact: Audrey was the first person to wear ballet slippers in public. The lesson here is, take something from your life {Audrey’s first dream was to become a ballet dancer} and bring it out into the public. Then, with any luck, it will become a fashion perennial three generations later.

Never underestimate the power of a good white shirt. Or trim black trousers, or a turtleneck, or the right haircut that shows off your profile…which leads to the second corollary that style has little to do with money. Audrey wore jeans and a polo as authoritatively as a mink shrug or Givenchy ball gown.

If these few points haven’t convinced you to go buy this book, here is a short and sweet list of the Audrey Essentials:

1. Wear mascara.

2. Stand up straight.

3. Get your clothes tailored.

4. Lower your voice.

5. When in doubt, love.

6. Be generous.

7. Don’t kiss and tell.

8. Forgive.

9. Turn around and check the back of your reflection in the mirror before you leave the house.

10. Smile.

{All excerpts are taken from “What Would Audrey Do? Written by Pamela Keogh and published by Gotham Books, ©2008}

I try to follow all of these rules, but I admit that I fail miserably sometimes. I have been guilty of leaving the house with no makeup on whatsoever {though I try to limit these occurrences}. I tend to hold a grudge when I’m upset. And the only item of clothing that I’ve ever had tailored to fit was my wedding dress. But they are definitely good guidelines to {try to} follow in life, especially in a world where tact has been thrown to the wind in favor of tastelessness.

Audrey wasn’t perfect, and neither are any of us. This doesn’t mean we can’t try and live our lives beautifully, however. Audrey’s beauty and style transcended what she wore and her hairstyle; it was who she was. And I want to be known as a beautiful person, inside and out.  

  

Much love, and I hope you all have a beautiful Sunday!