{on being an introvert}

I vividly remember my first few days at college, as if it were only a couple days ago rather than almost seven years. Most people I know, my friends and former classmates, loved that time. The days were filled with excited anticipation at meeting your roommates, plenty of lectures on how to avoid getting an STD (which often included free condoms), and way too many new names and faces to ever remember.

The memory that sticks out the most in my mind, however, is the complete and utter misery I felt during it all. By the end of my first week at school, I was convinced I was going to quit, mainly because I thought that was how it was going to be for the next four years: the skits and the ice breakers and the loud RAs who ran around the dorms yelling the alma mater to wake us up. I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't like it, and it took me a long time to realize that this isn't true. 

I didn't quit school, but I wasn't very involved that first year. I knew that anything I did become involved in would include those things that I hated, and I just wasn't willing to risk it. Eventually, however, I did join a few clubs and apply for a few on-campus positions. I started slowly, but eventually I too became one of those obnoxious RAs. Being in college broke my shy personality, but it didn't change the fact that I am a natural introvert. 

It seems as if being an extrovert is the only way to get ahead in our culture. At school, we're forced into group activities and situations that often involve acting ridiculous or telling our deepest secrets so that we can "bond." At work, we're expected to work in teams, while all competing to be the leader. It almost seems counter-productive to me.

I watched a Ted Talk recently{one of the best I’ve ever seen}, which made me realize that I don't need to be "cured" of my introversion. We’re just a different type of normal, though society has yet to figure that out. I have so many great ideas, but because I don't communicate them in a way that conforms to the ideal placed upon me by my culture, they are automatically considered inferior. How is that fair? It isn't. 

In those years since freshmen orientation, I've learned how to bulls*** my way through it all. I've learned how to speak up in a group, work together on a team, and start a conversation with a complete stranger. While in high school, I got a C on my senior project because I was terrible at public speaking. But at my graduation from college, I gave the commencement speech in front thousands of people. I wasn’t comfortable, but I was still proud of myself for doing it.

I like to drive in silence, go on long walks by myself with nothing to distract me but my thoughts, and lie in bed at night alone so that I can think. I don’t need music or television to stimulate me, and I don’t need to be with other people in order to brainstorm or come up with ideas. I can do that on my own, and that’s what I’m comfortable with. I just wish everyone else were comfortable with that too. Not that they conform to the way that I do things, just that they be okay with it and accept me for me.

{via}

This. It’s all so. very. true.

And if you’re interested, here is that Ted Talk I mentioned before: