Joelle Charming

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanted to post today. On Friday, I continued with my regular, lighthearted posts, even in the wake of the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Some may have considered it insensitive. I just didn’t know what to say.

I’ve seen so many blog posts and tweets and Facebook status updates about the disaster; about how we should pray or do what we can. And then nothing. Once they said their words, that was it.

Now, I know that nothing I say or do is going to help anything. I can pray and I can give my $10 to the Red Cross. But in reality; in all honesty, it won’t help much.

And that sucks.

Sorry to be such a downer today. In my defense, it is Monday. And Mondays are not happy days for me.

I hate Mondays.

Over the weekend, I just kept getting bombarded with images and stories and news of the true destruction and tragedy in Japan. I felt so conflicted: if I didn’t feel sad and somber, I would be heartless. If I were too affected, I would be slightly ridiculous. It’s like there’s no middle ground.

But it has affected me. My entire mood has been different since waking up Friday morning and checking my Twitter in bed {really, I do this}.

I’m afraid of the dark. I cry when I feel any type of earthquake, and I live in California, less than a mile from the beach.

Seeing all of these pictures, I just have to say…

I’m scared shitless.

I’ll be the first to admit that this is selfish. People are dying and looking for loved ones, and I’m complaining about how I’m scared for myself. But I am.

That doesn’t diminish my concern for the people of Japan at all. If anything, it only increases my empathy for these people.

I can’t imagine what I would do in that situation. Obviously, I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I’ve been thinking about putting water and blankets in my car, making sure that my gas tank is always full. But, in reality, no amount of precautions I could take would really have an effect. That’s my cynicism shining through again.

It can all be taken away from me in a matter of minutes. Everything that I have built for myself could be gone tomorrow. My life could be taken tomorrow; if not in an earthquake, then in a car accident or a house fire.

When you are searching for a loved one who was swept away by the ocean; when your own life is in danger, there are so many things that don’t matter. Your flatscreen TV doesn’t matter. Neither does your iPhone. Or that fight you had with your friend last week or your bad haircut or a thousand other things that go through our minds every day.

But love matters. Happiness and joy matter.

I have my life. I have my husband and my family and my friends. They are what matter.

I don’t know that I would necessarily call this an epiphany. I’ve always been grateful for what I have and for the love in my life.

But I do know that when I’m making dinner in the kitchen and my husband comes to give me a hug, just because, I’ll hold on for a little bit longer now.

Much love friends,