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It's a strange time. Do you ever feel as if you're trying to find this balance in your life, but that just the smallest thing can come and topple you over? The past few days I've felt like this, and I really don't like it. I guess I'm on the edge of this next chapter, and while it's going to bring about some really amazing things, there are negatives that come with everything. No matter how well I do, there will be someone to tear me down. I don't know that I've ever realized this more than now.
I've felt in somewhat of a daze these past few days. I can't explain it, but I'm struggling to get it all done and be happy doing it. I've never before been so self-conscious of my work, probably because I've never before been so wanted. I'm constantly wondering...when will they all realize that I'm a fraud. Because I feel like a fraud sometimes. How is it possible that these amazing things are happening to me? How is it possible that these amazing things are happening to me, without something else going on behind the scenes? Is it possible to be successful without feeling this way? Am I ever going to feel like I actually deserve this? Are integrity and good intentions enough? Or do I need to be even more careful with the things that I post and the work that I do? It's all so confusing, and I so wish I had someone in "real" life who knew what all of this feels like.
2 comments:
my boss a few jobs back - a totally intimidating woman in her 60s who was the cat's pajamas when it came to non-profit fundraising - told me that she'd only recently gotten over her fear that someone would notice that she was faking it.
the moral of the story is:
a) you're not alone
b) trust yourself!
you're excellent and you deserve all of these amazing things. go conquer the world!
Oh no! Hugs from upstate New York! I love your blog, and your sweet words are always so much fun to read! I think as creatives we all feel this way from time to time, but just remember that there are people out there who love your work--and you!! XO
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