I find that I don’t write as much as I should, or want to, really. I keep reading advice on how to write: you just do. You designate a time and a place, and if you don’t feel inspired to write, you sit. You think. If you can’t find the inspiration on your own, you wait. You wait until it finds you.
I’ve tried to do that. I’ve tried to just sit and do nothing, waiting to rid myself of what could only be considered “writer’s block.” But the thing is, I have the story in my head. I’m thinking of it every second of every day, knowing that all I have to do is get it down on paper. So why can’t I just put it into words?
I have found plenty of excuses not to write.
Robert has the nice computer, and I can’t write using anything else.
Our apartment is too distracting. I need to get away from the TV and from my husband and all the chores that I need to do.
But Starbucks is too busy. Maybe I’ll try it at home again.
I have this scene in my head, but I need inspiration to build it. Let me browse the internet for a few
hours minutes and see what I can come up with.
It’s recently hit me, though, what my biggest excuse is. And I don’t even know if it is an excuse. It’s more of a reason why I just can’t seem to finish this book.
I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m wasting my time doing something that will never get me anywhere in life. I’m scared that my story is stupid. But most of all, I’m scared that I’m not a good writer.
I’m terrified of that critique, the one where everything gets laid out, telling me that I’m terrible at writing.
That I shouldn’t consider myself a writer.
That I should just stop now.
But even if I stop writing it out and typing it up, I’ll never stop creating the story. Because it’s in my head. It’s real. To me, at least. And I desperately hope that someday it's real to someone else too.
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Do you consider yourself a writer? How do you find the inspiration? Do you struggle with these feelings too?
Because I don’t like these feelings. And I would really like them to go away.