Another Picture and a Confession

Olive's first vet visit was yesterday afternoon, and I'm happy to report that she is in perfect health! Everyone at the vet's office was completely smitten with her, and they were all so sweet. We are so very happy that we have a healthy {and absolutely adorable} little dog.

{favorite picture of Olive so far...}

Anyway, what with these past few crazy days, my routine has gotten kind of off track. And so when we got back from the vet's office at about 6:45 last night, I got out the ingredients for a pretty simple dinner of macaroni and cheese {from a box, don't judge me...it doesn't happen often} and hot roast beef sandwiches. You can imagine my surprise then, when at 7:00 exactly, our doorbell rings. We live about a half hour away from most/all of our friends, so our doorbell doesn't ring very much without me knowing exactly who is on the other side of the door.

Standing on our porch were two of our dear friends with a pie in their hands.

I had completely forgotten that I had invited them over for dinner last night. I felt like an idiot, standing there in my white socks with holes in the them and my hair all over the place. Thank goodness they weren't too offended by my absent-mindedness. Robert entertained them on the couch while I threw everything on our dining room table into the office, chopped vegetables furiously for a salad, and ordered pizza over the phone. I even got out my cake platter for the pie and set out cloth napkins, just to make myself feel better. And with a bottle of wine {of which I drank four glasses, again trying to abate my intense embarrassment* over the situation, which probably just increased the spectacle I was making of myself} it was like the dinner was completely planned.

*Even more embarrassing than last night is the fact that I still can't spell "embarrassing" without looking it up in the dictionary...

For some, the above impromptu {can it be called impromptu if I invited them?} dinner date probably wouldn't be such a big deal. For me, however, an aspiring domestic connoisseur, it was a huge deal. And it made me realize a few things.

I don't like to talk about my domestic ambitions. For one, I have this completely irrational fear that women {read: feminists} will think less of me because I want to have the perfectly groomed home. I'm still trying to rationalize this goal within myself. And again, it's just kind of embarrassing. I mean really...what twenty-four year old dreams of cooking for her husband every night and having the perfect cleaning schedule? Well, that would be me.

Hi everyone. My name is Joelle and I want to be a homemaker.

There. I said it. I want to be a homemaker. I want to spend my evenings ironing my husband's button down shirts. I want to spend my Sunday afternoons making homemade bread and peach preserves. I want to throw elaborate dinner parties with beautiful flower arrangements that I make myself {this will need to wait since our dining room table seats exactly six people without anything on the table at all}. And I desperately want to go to this.

It's because of all of these things that last night was so difficult for me. They saw my messy bathroom and the piles of mail and the dirty floors. This isn't how I want to present myself to people, even if they are my friends.

Now, I know that I'm not perfect and I can't keep my home perfect all of the time. But I also know that I haven't tried nearly hard enough to do this. I'm procrastinating, trying to get everything done at once. I want to be the perfect homemaker now...I don't want to have to wait. But that's unrealistic. Doing these things is a process, one that will take time to learn and master. I just need to accept that fact and figure out the steps to get me where I want to be.

It will happen eventually. I hope.

Thanks for listening. And thanks for your support. And thanks in advance for any advice or resources you have about homemaking. I really appreciate it. Truly, I do.



Carly Anne said...

I don't think that your reaction is unjustified at all. That would be my worst nightmare.(If that means that I'm shallow, I'm shallow.) Seriously, the fact that you didn't turn them away and curl up in a corner to cry is impressive.

As for worrying about feminists judging you, that's a losing battle: they WILL judge you. As a successful woman that has deviated from her most lucrative career path to be a better homemaker, and who will eventually stop working entirely to be a SAHM, I experience judgment from those kinds of women (and even some men) on a weekly basis. They like to tell me that I'm wasting my fancy degree and my intelligence. And, I will admit that I sometimes let these kinds of comments get the better of me.

However, in my finer hours, I shout my domesticity from the rooftops because it's what truly fulfills me in life. And, to have found out what truly fulfills one is no small task. In fact, it's the sign of a highly self-actualized person.

Hang tough, my dear. Oh, and, can I tag along with you to that conference? Uh-mazing.

Jenna said...

I know I've said this a million billion times, but Olive is absolutely adorable.

And I don't blame you at all for being a little panicked when friends showed up (seemingly) unannounced - it would be enough to surprise anyone!


Heather said...

I'm always embarrassed having people over when our house isn't perfect. The only difference between you and I is that I hate cleaning.

(And I always have to look up embarrassed as well)

Sarah E. said...

What kind of dog is Olive? She's so stinkin' adorable!!! I love her name.

I don't think you should be embarrassed about wanting to be a homemaker. I've been a SAHM since I was 18 years old. I love cooking. I hate cleaning, but I have a cleaning schedule and I hate when things aren't cleaned up in my house. I totally understand how you felt when your friends showed up and the house wasn't up to your standards. I now realize why my mom would freak out and clean the house til it was spotless when anyone came over. It's your house. You want people to think it's beautiful, not judge that your carpet needs vacuuming or there is dust on something, kwim? :)

I love being a SAHM and taking care of things on the homefront, but I also miss working a bunch. But I say screw the Feminists...shouldn't they be fighting for the rights of females even if that means the ones who CHOOSE to stay at home and care for your family?

Jenny said...

I have a six yr old. I'm not longer embarrassed about the disaster that is my home :P Unless it smells like ass (as it usually does).

jillian :: cornflake dreams. said...

joelle youre too hard on yourself! you were caught off guard but you made it work (and im sure your friends had fun!) THAT is being a great domestic goddess. and theres NO shame in being honest about what you want in life. we share similar goals so i suppose im a little biased. :) i take a lot of pride in keeping the place neat and cooking terrific meals! xoxo jillian:: cornflake dreams

Kaitlin Godfrey said...

I am THE SAME way. And you would think that means I cook all the time? Nope, because after work I am tired...but if I didn't work I would be cooking up a storm...Oh to dream...

KT @ KT's Refinishing School said...

I think the true point of the feminist movement (and it's obviously gotten diluted at some point) is that women should be able to chose the life they want to lead and have the means to achieve it. If that means being a corporate exec, great. If it means being a true domestic goddess, perfect! At least that's my take on it anyway :)

P.S. If you figure out a cleaning schedule (or figure out how to come up with one) will you share it with me/us? I love all domestic things except cleaning and could definitely use some encouragement/inspiration in that department!

Emily @ Lo Vivido said...

This made me smile. I am the same way! Every time I watch Desperate Housewives, I get inspired by Bree Van de Kamp's perfect home.

Also, we just got a puppy, too!

Domestic Goddess is a legitimate life goal.

Kristen said...

first off, olive is absolutely precious, seriously!! second, my name is kristen and i want to be a home maker too :) and third, i bet your friends think no less of you because of your bathroom or your hair...but i'm sure you know that! and i agree with jillian, you made it work when it counted, which to me almost means more than having everything perfect ahead of time :)

CarrieJo said...

I think you are perfectly justified in wanting to be a homemaker...there is nothing wrong with that! It shows how much you care about your family and your friends and people appreciate that!

PS-I want to snuggle your puppy! :)

Hannah said...

Oh sweetie, I've been dying to go to that conference for the last few weeks. =) No shame in that.

The luxury of the modern age is the freedom to make choices. You choose to be domestically accomplished? Good for you. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about your dreams, so you've done the hardest part already--take the first step and admit!!

Besides, I feel that the lack of domesticity in this country is one of the reasons for the demise of the family unit. We need more people like you (and not just women, men too) to step up around the house and turn it back into a "home"--and not just a place where overworked Americans sleep and eat take out.

P.S. all of us love you and think you're pretty snazzy, that should be worth (at the very least) a smile on that pretty face of yours =)

JessRaquel said...

Your dog is beyond cute. I would have served the mac & cheese and sandwiches since I'm not a super homemaker myself haha

Anonymous said...

joelle...i love you and I'm right there with you. i might even be a little obsessive compulsive about my cleaning and organizing. oh well...it makes me happy! miss you darling!

Jocelyn said...

I am a feminist and I still want to be a homemaker. (is that even possible?) I would be equally horrified if that happened to me. I'm sure whomever the dear friends were were much less worried about it, that is what friends are for, right? :)

Anonymous said...

confession: i type words into google to get the correct spelling.
and i'm okay with that :-)

Michaela said...

I can't imagine trying to pull that together! We're very similar. I would have died! First I would have cried though hehe (: You did so well in just doing a salad and pizza. Girl, I'm right there with you. I'm studying interior design because I love the home and what it represents to a family. It's my passion, but my other passion is hopefully raising a family and keeping an organized well-kept home one day! Who cares what the feminists will say- I want to be a betty crocker, martha stewart, I love lucy homemaker (: