11.27.2012

{wedding wednesday: a happy marriage}

So. 

Let's just say I'm quitting my job at the perfect time. Because honestly? 

I'm so burnt out right now. 

And I feel weird saying that on my blog, which is technically part of my business, but it's true. 

It may be part of my business, but I'm terrified that I'm going to become one of those blogs. You know, the ones where the voice of the blogger is drowned out by sponsorships and trying too hard. I always want to have me in this little blog. It's my baby, I started it before I started my business. It's my creative outlet, and I never want it to feel like work. I know it will, sometimes, but not if I can avoid it. 

That's why I'm doing things a little differently this week for Wedding Wednesday. 

I tried so. hard. to get inspired for an infographic to create or a list to help you with your own wedding planning. 

But then I was hit again with all of this means. I focus so much on weddings, which is great, since, you know, I'm a wedding planner. There's more to it though. There's more to a marriage than just the dress and the food and the reception. I can't deny that, and I shouldn't! I don't do all of this because I want to create the prettiest weddings.

I do it because I honestly, truly, with all my heart believe in love. I've experienced it, the real kind. The kind that makes your heart so full it hurts. The kind that makes you want to be a better person.

I read a lot of books; a lot of books that have that passionate, all consuming love that makes you ache for that one person to sweep you off your feet and stay in bed with all. day. long. Like this one, and this one, and this one

Once I close the book, and it's all over, I can't deny that I feel a little bit of that ache. But then I see my husband, the one I get to come home to every night, and I'm happy. I'm relieved that I've never had a broken heart, or that I've never had to wonder if someone honestly, really loves me. I don't have to wonder. 

Our lives are not romantic, not in the slightest. We eat dinner in front of the TV most nights, and I almost always wear mismatched socks to bed. We rarely show any type of affection in public, but that doesn't matter to me. I don't need to prove to the world that we're happy. I'm so very happy to have a partner in life who supports me, trusts me, and believes in me like nobody else in the world. 

So, what does that mean for you? Let's just say you're back from your honeymoon, your dress is stashed away and you're waiting impatiently to eat the top tier of you wedding cake hidden in the freezer. Maybe you've never lived together before, and have no idea how to actually live with a boy

I like to think I know a few things about love. And here's what I know. Well, two things I know. They are the most important two things. 

1. Love is about communication. It's about trust. It's about being open with each other. Start that early, long before you say "I do." Once you're engaged, if you find it difficult to be open with one another, you have a problem. You should feel as if you're allowed to tell them anything. They are supposed to love you for who you are, for what you want in life. Don't be afraid of them. 

Robert and I have made it work because we talk everything out. Seriously, I have a feeling that we talk a lot more than most of the other couples we know in real life. It seems like it, at least. We will stay up late, late at night, talking about everything from what's worrying us that day to our biggest fears in life. We spend long car rides talking about our families, and how we want to raise our own children. We go on dates, where we share our dreams for ourselves and each other. We listen to one another as we talk about our hobbies, our passions (I swear, Robert knows more about weddings than even the most dedicated bride), and our complaints in life. I'm never happier than when I'm talking to him, and getting to know him better. 

2. Pick and choose your battles. 

If I've learned anything in the nearly nine years we've been together, it's that I need to pick and choose my battles. I kind of have to smile sometimes when I see couples fight about little things, because I used to nag him so much about almost everything. And he used to basically give into whatever I wanted. I always won (though I doubt he'd want me to admit that). 

It's not so much that I don't win anymore. I just don't consider there to be a winner in our arguments most of the time. We talk things through (though sometimes there is yelling, especially if it's that-time-of-the-month). And sometimes, I do choose to argue about the little things, like when he hasn't cleaned up the kitchen at night or if he forgot to pay a bill (I do it too). But I let a lot go, and so does he. We let a lot go, seeing the situation for what it is, rather than what it isn't. Is it really going to be that big of a deal in the morning? If it is, then talk (or yell) it out. But if it isn't going to be a huge issue the next day, then let it go. 

If you do fight once in a while, that's okay. Really. Yell it out if you need to, just don't call each other names. At least you know the make up sex will be good.

*     *     *     *     *

Robert likes to tell me that there are a lot of things he feels unsure or nervous about in life, but the one thing he never doubted, and has always been sure of, was marrying me. When he says that, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I know not everyone has love as solid as that. 

It's not without work. Those romance novels end at some point, and it's not all fairy tales and white dresses. Marriage is hard. But if you know that when you walk down the aisle, if you know that you're walking toward that person who is willing to put in the work too, then it will be okay. 


There are no real rules for Wedding Wednesday, I just ask that your post be wedding related it doesn’t need to be the same topic that I’m posting about. I also ask that you try to visit a few other blogs to say hi, and I would love it if you would use my button (found here). 

12 comments:

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

Two very very important tips! - Couldn't agree more! I think I could sometimes use a little bit of work on "choosing my battles" ;)


xxx
Jenna

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

this post is great! I love these little tips from girls who have been through the same journey. and I'm with Jenna - you're so right, but they're definitely easier said than done for me!

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

Aw, I actually teared up reading this. You're a lucky lady! Thanks for the tips - I completely agree. I wish no 2 wasn't so hard!

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

What a great post! I totally agree...weddings should be about what is most important...love! Thank you for sharing these wonderful tips!

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

I am so happy for you guys, and I might have gotten a little misty when reading this. Thank you for sharing it! It's so nice to hear about a genuinely happy marriage, since most days it feels like we only hear about the ones that didn't make it.

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

This is so good. So honest and that is refreshing. Sometimes wedding blogs only focus on cakes and details (which I LOVE) but it is nice to read a bit about life after the wedding. I love that you share your dreams. That is so important and the mismatch socks warm my heart. Your happiness and passion shows :)

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

Gahhh I could have written this myself- from feeling burnt out to the relationship stuff. If I were writing it myself, I probably would add a third one after this year of working for myself, and that would be to always make sure your priorities are in check. It's been easy for me to get sucked into work and (temporarily) forget to take time to spend with Brian and take care of myself. But that's not okay! Work < your family. I should just print that out and put it above my desk, but then I'm afraid I wouldn't get anything done :)

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

I almost cried reading this! We've only got ten days until we say "I do," and I'm so overwhelmed with all these little details, and really burnt out on my job as well. Thanks for the reminder that it's not just a wedding, it's a marriage, and it's a huge blessing to have a spouse who completely believes in you, even when you don't believe in yourself.

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

Just got a chance to sit down and read your whole post. I love that we both went with something a bit different for WW this week! You're so right, people get caught up on the wedding and forget about the marriage aspect of getting married. I always love it when we run into other people in the wedding industry who find it important to keep reminding people of that.

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

Absolutely! I never want to forget why I'm doing what I'm doing. I think when I do, it'll be time to stop :)

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

This is such a sweet comment Katie! I know (believe me, I know), how stressful wedding planning can be. I think we've all had our moments when you forget what it's all about, but as long as you come back to the person, remember why you're doing it, that's all that matters.

I hope these next few days are peaceful and stress-free for you my dear. And congratulations on getting married! What an amazing time in your lives :)



xoxo,
Joelle

Joelle :: Something Charming said...

This is SUCH a beautiful and heart felt post - I just love that you opened up about your marriage and I agree with your tips - they are so true. I feel the same way about my husband and always feel so grateful and happy that we have made it work after all these years and don't hate each other like other couples. I think that's why I'm holding out on having kids - I see what happens to marriages after kids and I'm honestly terrified! :/