I’ve decided to put my usual Wedding Wednesday features on hold until the new year. Until then, you’ll have to deal with a few posts on the topic, but without the featured weddings.
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I’ve been reading a few articles recently about the touchy subject of wedding etiquette. Some of these articles question whether or not it’s still necessary, while some maintain that etiquette is alive and should still be followed. Many brides are in one boat or the other, if they’re even informed at all. I like to think, however, that there is a definite grey area when it comes to wedding etiquette, and that it is an ever changing concept.
Note that this is entirely my opinion. I’m not trying to suggest that what I believe on this topic is correct, but then again, is there really a right answer?
You all know how I feel about food at weddings. Typical wedding food, in my mind, is entirely boring and bland and unoriginal. Thus the reason for our choice in wedding fare. When planning my wedding, I asked other brides for their opinion on my thought of having the In-N-Out truck at our reception, which probably wasn’t the best idea. Some were completely supportive, and thought it was a great and fun idea. Others…not so much. There were a few women in the middle who thought it would be nice as a late night snack, or as part of the meal, but not as the main course. We, obviously, chose to only have burgers as our food, along with some appetizers, and it went over really well. I know there are probably a few people who disliked it, or who thought it was “tacky,” but it doesn’t really matter, does it? We enjoyed ourselves, and we had the best night of our lives.
I’m only using my wedding as an example. There are a thousand rules out there about weddings and what is and isn’t appropriate. Some of this etiquette is culturally or geographically influenced, and some of it is just plain old tradition. When it comes right down to it, however, what’s the point? I promise there will be someone at your wedding who disapproves of your planning and decisions.
And there are so many rules, how are we supposed to remember them all?!
Someone is going to think that spending $100 on a meal is ridiculous and unnecessary.
But someone else might think that having your wedding anywhere but a country club or hotel ballroom is tacky.
Your grandmother may not like you wearing a dress that isn’t pure white, and you’ll probably get chewed out by someone for not inviting their kids.
You’ll probably read plenty of articles about how honeymoon registries, or cash registries, are a huge faux pas, but there will be some people out there who think that any type of registry is bad etiquette.
Did you know that traditionally, family members are not supposed to throw showers for the couple? Or that when someone toasts to you at the reception, you aren’t supposed to raise your glass? Or that people expect thank you notes no more than three months after the gift was given {at the latest}?
People are opinionated and bitter, and weddings are the perfect place for people to cast judgment. It’s just the way life is. There is no way that you can please everyone.
If you do care about what people think, the best way to approach etiquette is to prioritize. What is most important to you?
I personally believe that having a cash bar is a breach of etiquette that I wasn’t willing to cross. We provided alcohol for everyone, and were able to do so on a budget by supplying our own. But that isn’t possible for everyone. You still have a few options: host a bar during the cocktail hour, host beer and wine, or don’t have alcohol at all. It’s not a win-lose situation.
Do you not want to compromise the quality of your reception just so that you can invite more people? Don’t invite so many people! Nobody should expect to be invited to a wedding. Or have a destination wedding. Or have a really nice cocktail or dessert reception. These days, anything but a traditional sit down dinner reception is popular.
There are a few things, however, that I do feel are inappropriate for weddings. But again, entirely my opinion…
It’s not technically appropriate to invite someone to a shower, but not a ceremony.
It’s not technically appropriate to invite someone to a ceremony, but not the reception.
Or to not invite a significant other.
And thank you notes are still highly encouraged and appreciated {even if it takes you longer than three months to get them out}.
I only encourage you to follow things like this because they can hurt feelings and ruin a relationship with a friend.
I could go on and on and on, but the bottom line is this: It’s your day. Do what you want. You might hurt a few feelings or ruffle a few feathers, but all that matters is at the end of the day, you’re husband and wife. In fifty years, when you look back, you probably won’t remember, or care, if you did a dollar dance or had your dog as the flower girl. Trends and fads change. You’ll remember seeing the faces of everyone you love in one place, and saying I Do.
Here are a few of my favorite non-traditional wedding ideas {and potential breaches of etiquette} that I’ve seen recently:
First looks
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Food trucks {obviously}
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Non-White dresses
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Open seating
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Mismatched bridesmaids
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Happy Wedding Wednesday my dears.
