I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanted to post today. On Friday, I continued with my regular, lighthearted posts, even in the wake of the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Some may have considered it insensitive. I just didn’t know what to say.

I’ve seen so many blog posts and tweets and Facebook status updates about the disaster; about how we should pray or do what we can. And then nothing. Once they said their words, that was it.

Now, I know that nothing I say or do is going to help anything. I can pray and I can give my $10 to the Red Cross. But in reality; in all honesty, it won’t help much.

And that sucks.

Sorry to be such a downer today. In my defense, it is Monday. And Mondays are not happy days for me.

I hate Mondays.

Over the weekend, I just kept getting bombarded with images and stories and news of the true destruction and tragedy in Japan. I felt so conflicted: if I didn’t feel sad and somber, I would be heartless. If I were too affected, I would be slightly ridiculous. It’s like there’s no middle ground.

But it has affected me. My entire mood has been different since waking up Friday morning and checking my Twitter in bed {really, I do this}.

I’m afraid of the dark. I cry when I feel any type of earthquake, and I live in California, less than a mile from the beach.

Seeing all of these pictures, I just have to say…

I’m scared shitless.

I’ll be the first to admit that this is selfish. People are dying and looking for loved ones, and I’m complaining about how I’m scared for myself. But I am.

That doesn’t diminish my concern for the people of Japan at all. If anything, it only increases my empathy for these people.

I can’t imagine what I would do in that situation. Obviously, I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I’ve been thinking about putting water and blankets in my car, making sure that my gas tank is always full. But, in reality, no amount of precautions I could take would really have an effect. That’s my cynicism shining through again.

It can all be taken away from me in a matter of minutes. Everything that I have built for myself could be gone tomorrow. My life could be taken tomorrow; if not in an earthquake, then in a car accident or a house fire.

When you are searching for a loved one who was swept away by the ocean; when your own life is in danger, there are so many things that don’t matter. Your flatscreen TV doesn’t matter. Neither does your iPhone. Or that fight you had with your friend last week or your bad haircut or a thousand other things that go through our minds every day.

But love matters. Happiness and joy matter.

I have my life. I have my husband and my family and my friends. They are what matter.

I don’t know that I would necessarily call this an epiphany. I’ve always been grateful for what I have and for the love in my life.

But I do know that when I’m making dinner in the kitchen and my husband comes to give me a hug, just because, I’ll hold on for a little bit longer now.

Much love friends,


CCH said...

you are so right girl!

Jillian said...

I feel the same way you do. Even though people may have shared their peace and moved on, It doesn't mean that we aren't thinking about the devastation. We're constantly bombarded with news updates and often feel like there's little we can do for the time being.

It feels like our world is crumbling around us. From the Haiti earthquake and subsequent typhoid fever outbreak, to Lybia, Egypt and the middle east crisis, and to the horrendous Japanese earthquake. It's all very "2012." Sometimes you have to hope for the best, donate/help where you can, keep informed, and carry on with life.

And like you said, hold your family close.

much love <3

LaNeshe said...

Hello, coming over to visit from Mingle Monday. I think it is SO important in times like these that we take time to step away from the tragedy. It can be very hard to not let the coverage wear you down.

Holley said...

Stopping by from Mingle Monday!
I agree entirely. The tragic events of others are often beyond any help we can give. But I think it is ok for us to look at our own lives and re-evaluate our priorities. If that happened tomorrow, would you be satisfied with how you lived your life today?
Try to cheer up though. <3 Great blog, and new follower!!

Cameron said...

Stopping by from mingle monday...
I love your mission you have on your blog, very inspiring.

I completely get where you are coming from with the quake...scary things can happen in the world but sometimes it is hard to know how to react when we constantly live inside our little bubbles. Hang in there!

New follower from me :-)

Beka said...

excellent post.
exactly what i find myself thinking. i live in the midwest, though, so it's a tad bit different for concerns of the watery variety.
but the last few paragraphs? wow yes.

Jillian said...

You inspired me: http://ironandsunshine.blogspot.com/2011/03/everything-but-kitchen-sink.html

Amanda said...

It's such an awful tragedy. I know exactly how you feel. I still haven't gathered my thoughts enough to write a post about it. I'm still in shock.

I think you're right, the best thing we can do it cherish what we DO have, and help in any little way that we can.

Jessica Brown said...

Returning the gesture and stopping by your blog via Mingle Monday. Where do you live in California? I use to report/anchor/produce the news in Eureka, way up north, and I covered Creacent City which was the worst damaged area in California from the tsunami. Very sad ordeal across the board.