4.04.2012

{on life, lately}

Life has always felt like a roller coaster for me. Sure, there have been some constants that keep me grounded: my family, my husband, my friends. But for the most part, I'm so indecisive and emotional and impulsive that life sometimes leaves me feeling a little bit dizzy. 

{via}

Before this year, I really had no idea what I wanted to do. I thought I did, which is why at varying points in my young adult life I considered law or sociology or history as professions {see, told you I’m indecisive}. I honestly thought these things would make me happy, since so many of my friends had dedicated their lives to more scholarly pursuits. You can imagine that there are times when I feel inferior when it comes to my chosen profession. But there are also moments when I feel really proud of myself for doing what I'm doing. Not everyone can say that they started their own business before their twenty-fifth birthday. 

Whenever I feel happy or satisfied or proud of myself, however, the emotional roller coaster that is my life likes to throw in a loop, or just send me racing down a really steep hill. Sometimes it's envy that provokes it, or my job or a thousand other things. All I know is that it gets really, really tiring being so depressed all the time. 

I also know that I don't share enough of my life with you on this blog. Or, I feel like I don't. Probably because I don't think my life is very exciting, but it doesn't matter. I want to share with you what's going on. So, here it is.

photo 1

photo 2

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photo 3

Thoughts and happenings and other randomness.

  1. First things first. My dog is still adorable.
  2. I've realized that I am a jealous person by nature. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, since envy can be a really great motivator. It's turning that envy into inspiration that's my problem. Recently, I've been comparing myself to others way too much, and this has really been dragging me down. Why do I do this? Seriously, I'm terrible.
  3. And in the same vein as the whole jealousy thing, does anyone else think that blogging is kind of like high school all over again? And I'm trying not to beat myself up over the fact that I still am not one of the popular girls.
  4. I've been sick a lot. Mainly female problems and migraines, with some digestive issues and worse-than-normal body pain thrown in {not to mention a minor case of the wine flu}, all since we got back from Chicago. And now I'm getting a sore throat from a virus going around the office. This is really putting a damper on the anniversary celebrations, if you know what I mean...
  5. Of all the things I dislike about my day job, my nerves are being fried by the woman next to me and her incessant slurping. Seriously, this lady does not know how to drink a cup of coffee without the entire office hearing. I've resorted to headphones and slurping my own drinks as loudly as I can, but this just doesn't seem to deter her. Suggestions? I really don’t know what to do!
  6. My relaxing Easter weekend in Orange County is turning into a Saturday packed full of all the work-related meetings I can fit in. Seriously, I have two client meetings and a vendor appointment all happening in twenty-four hour period. Not that I'm complaining of course...I do appreciate all the work I can get!
  7. I made the rookie mistake of washing a pair of pants that still had chapstick in the pocket. I feel like a homemaking failure.
  8. I've decided to keep writing my book, and not toss it out and start from scratch. There are times when I wonder if my story is interesting or compelling at all. Then there are times when I realize that it really does have a lot more substance than some of the books I've read recently.

So, there’s that. I told you my life was exciting!

17 comments:

Jenny said...

I love your honesty!
I totally get the jealousy thing. I hate it. I've spent years comparing myself to other photographers and now to other bloggers. Likening it to high school is spot on. But, thankfully since high school I've learned that being an individual, being quirky and creative is far more fun than being popular and usually makes you the cooler kid in the long run.

And get your co-worker a different kind of mug perhaps something with a straw...

Hooe you have a great Thursday!

Betty said...

I find your outlook in number 3 peculiar...because, I definitely see you as one of the cool girls...but, the good kind of cool...not the bad kind!

And as always, thanks for being so honest in your post! It's part of what makes your blog such a joy to read!

Christianna said...

You know what, who decides what is cool? People who do their own thing are the coolest people. Not to say that people who do more "normal" things aren't cool. Basically if you are being 100% you and authentic, it doesn't matter what it looks like! You are authentic, go with it!

Sarah said...

I would suggest possibly politely telling your coworker the noise is distracting. Take it from someone who gets extremely anxious about people chewing gum. (read more here: http://ftdofsmcp.blogspot.com/2011/09/misophonia.html)
The worst part is sitting next to the annoyance time and time again, and not being able to say anything for whatever reason. But if you can say something, things might get better? At least you might feel better, having expressed yourself to her, instead of bottling it all up in a passive-aggressive way (as I would tend to do. Perhaps it annoys someone else as well, and you could both talk to her.

Petchie said...

I definitely agree with you about blogging being a little bit like high school. But for me, I try to focus on the fact that I started blogging, and continue to blog for my own enjoyment, not to have the most followers, sponsors, etc. and that's what keeps me blogging!

xoxo
Petchie
http://itsallofthelittlethings.blogspot.com/

Amanda said...

It takes a lot to put yourself in the position to share with all of us. So I appreciate that you did! As for feeling overwhelmed, envious, jealous, it's okay. You're human. Believe me, I feel it too sometimes :) But we are who we are for a reason! Hope you feel 100% soon!

MarieHarmony said...

Thanks for a very honest post Joelle. It not always easy to find our place, I too have way too many ideas, none I put in practice. My mind is all over the place but it's the way we are.

I truly think you are doing good, managing a business and still work full time. Your blog is awesome and a place I love to visit. The most important is not so much how fancy you are and how many people follow you, I think it has more to do with the passion you put in your writing. This is what matters.
Imagine if you had many more followers you will have way more work than you already have! There's a good side to everything.

Take care dear and try to enjoy your week-end!
xx

Stephanie said...

I totally think blogging is like being in high school all over again. I've been feeling that way more and more over the last couple of months. It's frustrating and makes me anxious. I feel like you are one of the cool girls though! :)

Syndal said...

You know, there are some bloggers that get cliquey but don't even worry about it..you have a blog that YOU love (right?!) and I love it (it's true!) and I hope you are able to get some happiness and inspiration out of that!

Cut yourself some slack-you are human and it is totally ok to feel jealous and depressed and down from time to time. It's how you deal with it that can change the outcome.
I hope you start to feel better and can make time to take good care of yourself! you really deserve it!

Betsy said...

it may not seem glamorous to you, but you live your life to the fullest - that's why we love you!

gberetta said...

Blogging = high school. Sheer genius...it's all clear to me now. So glad we were in the same ALT class last night! I've quite enjoyed exploring your blog. I'm taking another one on Growing Your Readership in mid April...maybe I'll see you there!

Claire Kiefer said...

It's brave of you to talk about these things on your blog, cause we all go through it. It's funny that some bloggers start their blog and then it seems like they have 600 followers overnight. How does that happen? I think the envy/comparing yourself is normal; I do it too sometimes.

That picture of your doggie in the blankets!!!

Your blog is so pretty. Glad I found it :)

Jennifer said...

I could not agree more with blogging feeling like high school sometimes. I think it may be that I get jealous really easily, but honestly there are some days that I get so frustrated and overwhelmed with emotions because I look at someones blog and see it has like 20 comments on a single post, or that they have a million followers. I try to remind myself that this blog is for me and no one else. xoxo

Leeann @ Join the Gossip said...

I think we all go through these emotions. I know I constantly wonder what I'm doing with my life. And those what ifs pop up. What if I never have the job I want? Or get married? Or blah blah. I think you do a great job of reminding yourself about what you do have. That's great!

And your life is exciting so these posts are great :)

Whitney @ Everything Happens For a Reason said...

I totally feel like blogging is like high school too. I feel like blogging is reflective of my life. I'm not "popular" in the blg world and a lot of times I feel invisible...just like I did in high school.

I totally get comparing yourself to others. I was in the process of starting my photography business, but stopped doing anything with it. I haven't felt motivated or that I would beas successful as the other photographers I know. I would love to be my own boss (absolute hating working for someone) and that be my full-time career.

Emily | Recently said...

I'll be cliche for a moment and say "hang in there!" I honestly go through a lot of the same things (jealousy, etc.) and I'm continually trying to improve upon what I see as rough spots in my personality! :) You're at that "quarter life" point and it really is tough. I think you're already ahead of the curve in that you recognize those things and are wanting to improve! Hugs to you!

Kaitlyn Thatcher said...

I've said this before, but how do you always read my mind? Seriously just the other day I was thinking about how blogging is sort of like high school with the cliques and trying to be the prettiest, coolest, best dressed one.

But the more I thought about it I realized I love reading blogs because there is something for everyone. And some of my favorite bloggers are people who probably wouldn't have been the most popular girl in their high school. I mean a lot of blog are written by artsy creative types, and those were definitely not the popular people at our high school.

I've seen comments so many times on blogs where people express how grateful they are that that blogger is willing to be themselves and express their opinions.

Your blog is beautiful and so are you. Don't feel bad that you don't have thousands of followers. Just keep being you. I know that's why your 500+ followers keep coming back day after day.