{beach season}

I'm going to do something I've never done on my blog before.
Why yes, that is a photo of me, in a bikini, lying next to a pool. Why did I post this, you ask? Well, because I'm extremely confident with my body and I know I look good. 

Actually, that's a damn lie. 

I know I'm thin. I know that I'm very lucky to be thin, but I've always had a very poor self image. I struggled with an eating disorder in high school, and it took me a long time to be able to admit that I was even thin, let alone somewhat pretty. This photo was taken in March, and to be honest, that was the first time in three years that I put a bathing suit on. 

I had an epiphany recently though. I'm twenty six years old, and in what is more than likely the best shape of my life (minus my high school and college years). I do want to have babies in the not too distant future, which means that I really need to take advantage of being childless for now. That means going out with friends, enjoying an extra glass of wine with dinner, and maybe even wearing my bathing suit a few times this summer. 

Actually, when I had that epiphany, I kind of freaked out and went and bought the smallest bathing suit I could find at Victoria's Secret. I then spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between feeling sexy as hell, and more than a little self conscious. 

Anyway, this post may seem to be somewhat random, but I'm looking at it as my next step to accepting who I am. I know that I have nothing to be ashamed of, but that doesn't mean I'm not. I just want to be able to put that teeny tiny bikini on, and rock it all summer long.

And maybe if that one doesn't do the trick, I need to splurge on this one instead. I mean, it does have a bow.
bathing suit :: moda operandi


Joelle Duff said...

It has a bow! It is definitely a sign ;) I too bought myself my first swim suit in yearsss. I have been swimming in shorts and a tee shirt for farr too long. I didn't buy a bikini.. no I don't have that kind of self esteem, or body. but I did buy a rockin 1 piece! I mean.. step in the right direction and what not, right?!

Joelle Duff said...

I totally hear ya! I've always struggled with my self image. I've always been very thin, even thinner looking since i'm tall. I always get these weird stares from people sometimes. I even get people saying I need to eat more, or they tell me how I don't need to go to the gym. If they really knew me, they would know I eat like a pig! I'm just naturally very skinny. So people always telling me i'm way too skinny, made me very self conscious. Now, I have learned to accept the fact that i'm naturally skinny and I should just embrace and love my self for who I am!

Joelle Duff said...

I understand having to battle with insecurities! You should be so proud of yourself for taking this step! Flaunt it, girl! ;-)

PS) I hope you were wearing sunscreen! :-) XO

Joelle Duff said...

*waving hands in the air*

Amen, sister!

Joelle Duff said...

you look great! Love that suit!