{october thoughts + goals}

I don't know that I've shared some of my goals with all of you in a while. I have my fall bucket list, for sure, but that's a bit different. I'm coming toward the end of my busiest, craziest, most overwhelming and stressful wedding season to date, and I've finally had a bit of time to reflect on what it all means and what I'd like for my future. I think anybody, regardless of whether you are self-employed or not, should take time every once in a while to look back on their goals, and reevaluate the direction that they want to go in, both personally and professionally. So, here it goes. 
I've been working on a Project Life-type project lately. It's kind of amazing at forcing me to take an honest look at how wonderful my life truly is. I'm so thankful for that.

1 // I want to be more supportive of my husband in all that he does. 

A marriage is a lot of give and take. For those of you who don't know, my husband is a graduate student (officially a PhD candidate now). Going through a doctoral program is rough. Like, seriously rough, on us as individuals and on our marriage collectively. Robert has always been so supportive of what I do and my dreams, but I just can't help but feel like I can be more supportive of what he does. Obviously I believe in him, and I do what I can to show him that, but I could be more understanding of where he is in life and be more patient with his own process. I love him so, so very much, and it's important to me that we live our marriage together.

2 // I want to take my business to the next level.

But not in the same way that I thought I did. At the beginning of the summer, I did a lot of soul searching with my business. I thought I wanted to bring someone else on to take over, to train my assistant to be more hands-on so that I could take more of a hands-off approach. Last week, I unfortunately had to let my associate coordinator go, the one that I brought on back in July, and it really forced me to take a good, hard look at what I was doing to and for my company. 

Right now, it's going to be really difficult for me to trust anyone else that I bring onto my team. I have Emily (thank GOD - I don't know what I would do without that girl), and I have another incredible assistant coordinator that I know has the potential to add a lot to my company in the future. Thankfully they both share the same vision and values that I have, which makes it so much easier for me to let things go with them. Other than these two girls, however, I just don't know that I'm ready (emotionally) to bring someone else on, not when I was treated so unprofessionally and immaturely, and honestly hurt, by someone that I trusted with my business (aka my child). 

That being said, I'm ready to bring my business to the next level. If I'm being honest with myself, I already am well on my way to being at the next level, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I need to have another coordinator working under me (not now, at least). I think what it means is that I need to be more particular with the weddings that I take on, and that I can't be afraid to charge what I'm actually worth.

3 // I need to start holding myself to a standard of grace, not perfection. 

Okay, so I stole this one from Emily, but it's pretty much exactly what I need right now. I'm probably in the norm when I say that I am really hard on myself. We really are our own worst critics. But if I've learned anything this year, it's that I can't control everything. In business and in life, we have to be dependent on others as well, regardless of whether we trust them or not. Sometimes they'll screw up, and sometimes it may have an impact on our lives and our reputations. 

If I'm going to survive this crazy thing called life, I need to stop blaming myself for anything and everything that goes wrong. Sure, we all make mistakes and I try to always take responsibility when I do make a mistake, but sometimes I just can't keep thinking that everything is my fault. It's not. There are people out there who are selfish and have only their own best interests in mind, and I can't change that. I need to start forgiving myself when something goes wrong, and stop dwelling on it. Because I am a good person, and I'm good at what I do. There are going to be people out there trying to derail me, but I have an amazing group of people who know the real me and honestly believe in what I do. I should probably take a cue from them, and start believing in myself too. 

I know these are abstract goals and concepts, but I really just needed to get them out. I'm sure I'll come up with specific things I can do to work toward these eventually, and I don't know that I'll share them with you necessarily. I just need someone to hold me accountable. Think you can help with that?

Thanks for letting me get it all out friends. I love you.

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