{on marriage :: selflessness}

I'm not sure what I think about the term "marriage advice." I mean, people ask me what I have to say about marriage, but it's really such a personal thing, you know? Something that works for one couple may not work for another, and figuring out what does and doesn't work is a big part of what marriage is all about. 

My best friend got married on Saturday, and I was terrible enough not to send in my RSVP card with my own bit of marriage advice on it. When I was writing my toast on Saturday morning (which I pretty bawled over my computer for...while Carrie was sleeping in the next room), I figured I probably should say a little bit on marriage. It was a wedding, after all! So, here it goes. 

Marriage is a lot of give and take, so be willing to give when your partner needs it. But more than that, be willing to take when you need it. That’s what a partnership is, and that’s what a marriage is. Don’t be afraid to ask if you need something, especially if it’s support. There will be phases in your lives and in your marriage where it seems like one of you needs more than the other, but don’t hold it against one another. The best part of marriage is having someone on your side, all the time. Marriage takes a lot of selflessness, but it also takes a little bit of selfISHness.

I'd love to know your thoughts on being selfless in a marriage. I think there is a lot of "advice" out there, suggesting that a marriage relies on two selfless people coming together, but I don't buy it. I am a self-employed, small business owner and my husband is a graduate student. If we didn't think of ourselves sometimes, I highly doubt we would be where we are. We are individuals, after all, and we both need to be willing to accept the support of one another when needed. That's all. 


Joelle Duff said...

I've been thinking about this a lot lately--I think you're right, there needs to be a balance between being selfless and being selfish. This is something we're definitely trying to work on, almost 11 months into our marriage. As always, well said!

Joelle Duff said...

I think you're totally right. I think I'm selfish when it comes to my husband's time and he's selfish when it comes to mine...we LIKE each other! If we didn't selfishly want to be around one another, would marriage really be all that fun?

Joelle Duff said...

You're so right Joelle!! I have a hard time being selfish, and often feel really guilty... but my life (especially right now) just demands it. And my husband is so good. But if the tables were turned I'd do the same.

Joelle Duff said...

Love this post, I actually recently shared 5 things I've learned from marriage on my blog here http://lifesetsail.blogspot.ca/2013/10/5-things-marriage-has-taught-me.html xx -b.

Joelle Duff said...

110% agree! Love this! Perhaps I need to think of sharing some first year of marriage advice too! :)